it is what it is

A while back I was asked. "So, are you going to have another kid?" My outward response was "we're happy with the two we have; we'll see." My inward response was "if only you knew we are trying to have another; it's not easy for me to get pregnant."
I have reached a year of trying to get pregnant. It is the third time I've gone through this. I get to be on a roller coaster of emotions, waiting, hoping, and wondering.
I'm currently in the defeated, this is where I am, I'm in God's hands mode. With Kendal after a year of trying we turned to a determined mode of dumping money into doctors appointments, and fertility drugs. Almost another year later we were on the verge of being financially spent (student life), emotionally exhausted, and ready to put a pause on trying when the call came that I was pregnant. With Peter we were still in the student lifestyle so we choose to just try in our own. It only took us half a year to get pregnant then.
So; to answer a few questions that have come up and I am assuming are on some minds.
Q: Will I seek fertility treatment or a doctors help like I did the first time?
A: I've thought and prayed about this a lot and I don't feel it's what I want to go through again.
Q: How long are going to try?
A: While I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet, I don't wish to do this indefinitely. So we'll see what happens in the next year or so.
Q: Is it hard to talk about pregnancy / babies, or see others pregnant?
A: Not anymore. I've honestly come to an acceptance of it all.
Casey and I are apart of a fairly young ward. So we have constant pregnant ladies and births every month. I've also been blessed to have three nephews come along in the past six months. I'm genuinely thrilled for all the new babies. I'm more than happy to snuggle and hold a little one. It's all helped me come to an acceptance of where I am.
I know many who suffered far longer and physically went through more than I've had to before they were able to have kids. I know some who are still waiting for the opportunity to have kids. I count myself lucky to have the two wonderful kids I do and will be fine if they're all I have.
I'm not writing this post to gain sympathy (Seriously I don't want to hear sympathetic responses.) or because we're seeking extra prayers on our behalf. I just want where I'm at documented and to put a bit of myself on this blog since I don't often do that.